Wanda Stovall Donati's Obituary
I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.
~The Shawshank Redemption
Wanda Donati, age 80, died on August 22, 2022. To know Wanda was to be influenced by Wanda. In the days since her death, just like before her death, we’ve heard countless stories of the positive impact she had on others. Whether you were a family member, close friend, colleague, or simply someone who met her only in passing (maybe a lucky retail worker getting paid on commission), you likely have a lasting memory of Wanda. Whether her example influenced your path in life, or she just made you smile, or she harassed you about the fact that you haven’t watched “Lost” yet, Wanda was hard to forget and impossible to ignore. Her personality was larger than life. She did not engage in small talk, which meant that if Wanda spoke to you, she had something of substance to say to you. Her smile and her laugh were infectious. She suffered no fools and had no patience for whining. If she loved you, you damn well knew it. And if she didn’t, well, then you probably knew that too.
Wanda’s life is nearly impossible to sum up, largely because she was truly passionate about so much. Her earliest passion was her own drive for independence. Wanda was stricken with polio at age 7. While the illness would leave her with permanent physical limitations, it would not define her. Her parents, Ben and Claudia, would make absolutely sure of that. She was instilled with a grit and tenacity that she would carry forward into everything that she did in life. Her disability was not an excuse, but a motivator to try harder and to do whatever she wanted to do, even if she was doing it on crutches. This attitude carried forward to advice she would give to others later in her life. Always quick with a saying, Wanda would say, “Times will be bad, but the bad times will pass.” Or, “You do what you’ve got to do, and you don’t complain.” Or as we all heard her say, more simply, from time to time, “Suck it up, Buttercup!”
Wanda’s professional career was largely dedicated to helping others through hard times. Her early career was as a social worker. However, frustrated by a system where she felt her clients were being taken advantage of, without having any real power to do something about it, Wanda decided to pursue a career where she felt she could affect real change. She decided as a single mom in her early 30s to attend law school. This would be a fortuitous decision for so many reasons.
Working for Memphis Area Legal Services, she met the man who would become the love of her life and eventually her law partner, Don Donati. Together, Don and Wanda built a law firm dedicated to seeking justice for those who were victims of discrimination. Early on, Don and Wanda fought together to desegregate Memphis area nursing homes. They had a marriage and a partnership built on mutual respect. She obviously not only loved Don, but admired him professionally as well, confiding, “You know, he really is a most brilliant attorney.”
Eventually, Don and Wanda would build a social security disability practice aimed at helping the least fortunate among us. It was obviously a core belief of Wanda’s that those stricken with illness or disability deserved to have the means to live life with dignity, and that’s just what she sought to help them do. Without a doubt, thousands of people would gladly tell you that they owe their lives to “Miss Wanda.” Indeed, her impact was so great (and this story is 100% true) that a client once arrived at the office because her mother, who had passed some years before, showed up in a dream and said, “Baby, you gotta go see Miss Wanda.”
Wanda was also a lover of art. She was a musician early in life and loved ones recall her teaching them to play “Down in the Valley” on the guitar. After stepping back from her law practice, Wanda redefined herself yet again. She picked up a paintbrush and became a member of the exclusive “Painting Ladies” club, where she was able to engage in unfiltered conversation with her friends while creating beautiful paintings. She painted intricate abstracts and beautiful landscapes, but it was in her paintings of sheep and buffalo that you could feel Wanda’s truest connection, to nature and animals. That connection was fueled by a love of the American Southwest. According to Wanda, there was no place like New Mexico. She traveled there as often as she could, but mostly she wanted to be sure that her children experienced the connection that she felt to those places that were spiritual for her, like Santa Fe, Taos, and Chimayo.
Wanda’s greatest passion in her life was for those who didn’t call her Wanda. They called her Yia Yia. Her grandchildren meant everything to her, and all the grandchildren loved Yia Yia. Hitching a ride on the back of Yia Yia’s scooter always drew a smile. From throwing the biggest holiday parties, to giving the most presents, to fabulous vacation trips, everything Yia Yia did for her grandchildren was the definition of “over the top.” Walt Disney World is going to miss her.
Always thirsting for knowledge herself, Yia Yia found a way to make learning fun for the kids. She had an urgency in passing on her knowledge and wisdom. An avid lover of natural history and geology, she would buy artifacts, like dinosaur poop, to spark the kids’ interest. She gave them geodes so they could crack them open and find the crystals inside. She reveled in telling them how many thousands of years old that piece of history was that they held in their tiny hands.
Her fascination with the age of the earth and its artifacts brought her peace. Wanda wanted those she loved to have that peace, to be able to be in awe, to be still.
Wanda is survived by a slew of people who absolutely adored her: her loving husband, Donald Donati; her three children, Billy Ryan, Robert Donati, and Ellen Flechas; her children-in-law, Alison Ryan, Ashley Donati, and Brandon Flechas; her eight grandchildren, Madeleine Ryan, Jack Ryan, Eva Ryan, Franklin Donati, Teddy Donati, Ben Donati, Luca Flechas, and Claudia Flechas; her sister, Jackie (Eddie) Stanford; her niece and nephew, Kristen Rogers and Christopher Dollahite; her brother-in-law, Bill Donati; her sister-in-law, Marian (Armando) Castroverde and their children; and her caretaker and friend of 16 years, Daisy Turcios. She is also survived by a protective German Shepherd named Chloe, and by three noisy parakeets whose bedside chirps provided her a joyful soundtrack in her final days. She is preceded in death by her parents, Benjamin Prentiss Stovall and Claudia Stovall McCall.
While we all rejoice that this woman who fought so fiercely for her own independence in the face of nearly insurmountable odds is no longer caged by a body that was ravaged by illness and time, our world is in some ways much more drab and empty now that her bright spirit has flown away.
But one thing is for sure. Wanda left this world better than she found it. She left her mark through the paint she put on canvas, the love she put in our hearts, the voice she gave to thousands of clients, and the joy she brought to those who knew her. We will always miss our Wanda.
Please join us for a celebration of Wanda’s life. We welcome anyone who knew and loved Wanda to share in this moment of remembrance. The family will welcome visitors on September 23rd at the Memphis Brooks Museum of Art from 3:30 to 5:00 followed by a tribute honoring her memory. In Lieu of flowers, we ask that donations be made to the Mid-South Food Bank or the charity of your choice.
What’s your fondest memory of Wanda?
What’s a lesson you learned from Wanda?
Share a story where Wanda's kindness touched your heart.
Describe a day with Wanda you’ll never forget.
How did Wanda make you smile?