Mari
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain of dealing with the death of a loved one can be so debilitatingly strong that one may wonder, how can God allow such suffering? The bible reassures us that it is not God who is the cause of our suffering(James 1:13), but the devil (1 John 5:19). When you get a chance, go to jw.org and look under the tab “Bible Questions Answered” and the subcategory “Life and Death.” I think the articles you find will be most comforting in your time of grieving.